The Perils of Pauline…

Ahh the perils of being a freelance proof-reader and editor, I work from home, so I do not see clients face to face and a lot of my clients live in other states. So most of my contact consists of emails and phone calls or if there needs to be some one on one real time clarification I have a MSN account which is strictly business only, I only ever give that out to paying clients.

Last week I got an email from a reasonably well known local businessman I’ve never worked with him before, he needed a brochure/flyer proofread for basic grammar and spelling mistakes. This isn’t a problem, I do it all the time, it’s my bread and butter trade.

I was somewhat surprised that the place that he was getting the printing done at wasn’t offering the same service as part as the deal, but then I realised that he was probably getting the printing done at the ultra ultra ultra cheap printing place whose policy is ‘we print it as it comes’. So fixing errors beforehand is very good idea.

When his .doc arrived in my email box I had a look at it and I quickly realised that not only did it need basic grammar and spelling fixed, it needed a whole substantive edit done to it. So I contacted him and as politely as I could, managed to convey to him that basically his whole copy sucked, and sucked badly. But that for an extra $$ I could fix that for him as well.

He agreed and deposited the remaining amount into my account, and when that had cleared, away I went. Most of it was pretty much standard I knew what he was trying to sell, what he basically wanted to say and managed to get his mangled words into something comprehensible.

However there was one bit that I needed some definitive clarification on so I asked him to contact me either by phone so I could speak and edit at the same time, or on MSN so that I could type and edit at the same time.

He said MSN was fine, so I gave him my business MSN account and waited for him. I waited for around 15 minutes and was just about to give up when up popped on my BUSINESS account the screen name

HardC&*k4You.

Oh yes; it was MY client, I blinked and decided that best course of action would be to totally ignore it and just get on with deciphering exactly what it was that he wanted in this part of the brochure. I was switching from screen to screen, doing some editing then getting some more clarification, and each time I switched back to the MSN window his screen name would be changed to something else just as disturbing. At the same time he’d change the little ID picture, I saw an ever changing parade of penises (penii?), usually erect and all a little on the OMG scary size.

These are the screen names he used:

HardC&*k4You.

SuckMyHardC&*k

HardThrobbingMeatspear

And my very personal favourite;

Wet4MyHardC&*k.

In a word NO, it was a childish immature display and I can only hope that while he was talking to me on MSN that he was also talking to some one else, or else it just tips over in to the highly disturbing.

I finished up and said that I had all the information I needed and that I would send the finished job back to him via email in around two days he said that was fine and said “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you”. I’m in two minds about THAT one, I just replied as pleasantly as possible and as he signed off his last comment was “btw, that was my c&*k in those pictures”.

My dear client, you are a skinny mid 40ish Caucasian business man, I’ve seen your picture in the local rag a few times. None of those pictures you used was of your penis, unless your penis has a terrible terrible disease it is NOT black, nor does it look like it needs a support stand all of its own.

Next time, no matter how badly I need the money, someone else can have him.

CV or not CV

One of the most important documents that a person can write, especially in this economic climate is your resume.

At this point in time it is a good idea to decide what sort of resume you are going to write.

The resume style you choose for your job resume is determined by the goal you have for your career. If you are seeking a job in your field and have experience, use a chronological resume. This resume starts with your most recent job and works backward. Conversely, if you are seeking a new type of work, you may want to consider the functional/combination resume. This style groups your skills together and includes a short chronological work history at the end.

There are, however, four different styles of resume. The most common resume style is chronological. The others are functional, skills and imaginative. Let’s look briefly at each.

Functional Resume Style

The functional resume style is common as well and is often used by job candidates who’ve held internship positions. The point of the functional resume style is to focus on the work experience you have had that gives you experience and a background for the job you now seek.

With this functional resume style you only include work experience, internships and volunteer activities that are pertinent to the position you now seek. You don’t need to list them in chronological order – and in fact generally won’t.

What’s important is that you first list the job that displays the most relevance and expertise for the job you now seek. If the employer or firm for which you were interned or volunteered for is an impressive noteworthy name then start with company name big and bold. If that is not the case, then start with your job title. Whichever you choose this is the pattern and resume style you should know follow throughout this resume.

Skills Resume Style

The skills resume style may be the ideal resume style for college students and recent graduates whose job experience consists of several short term unrelated jobs but whose tasks at each honed skills related to the job for which they now are applying. The skills resume style may well be the best choice for someone who wants to make a career change.

What a skills resume style focuses on are not the industry tasks that you’ve become acquainted with but the overall skills that you’ve learned, such as project management, customer service, conflict resolution, teamwork and communication, for example.  Your listings of job, internship or volunteer experience would not have to follow any chronological order here. You’d start with the job that shows the most advanced level of experience pertinent to the job for which you are applying and then work backward to the least pertinent, excluding any that are not pertinent.

Imaginative Resume Style

An imaginative resume style is best for someone seeking a position that requires that you demonstrate individuality and creativity. Examples of the jobs for which this resume style would be effective are architecture, graphic arts or creative writing. In an imaginative resume style you could combine your text with graphic art, with creative layout, perhaps even color (though this can get costly for hard copies) and various fonts, borders, background shadings and images.

The use of an imaginative resume style would depend on the firm to which you are applying. Some firms are more traditional and even with an application for a creative position might be too non-traditional. Research the firm well before deciding to proceed with an imaginative resume style.

Above all else, remember to proofread your resume carefully, from top to bottom and then from bottom to top, check every ambiguously spelt word to be certain you are using the right one, the spell checkers can pick up egregious spelling mistakes, but they will not pick up the use of too, to, two, or there, their and they’re in the wrong context.

That is your job; if possible get someone else to also run an eye over your resume checking for general grammar and spelling mistakes, also for tone and style, to give yourself the best possible chance in today’s climate it is wise to use ALL avenues at your disposal.

A Warm Welcome

I have decided that along with the upcoming new year, that a new approach was needed for my business, I am a freelance proofreader, and my company, The Dangled Caret (obligatory proofreading joke there) specialises in basic proofreading and editing.

After the absolute last sterling success of my previous business web site, a new tack was needed, so to that end I shall scour the Internets and find examples of poor grammar and editing skills that abound on so many business web sites, and hopefully along the way pick up enough business through my undoubted and scintillating wit and snark.

That is the plan