Some English humour

The English Language

There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger,
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England.
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes
we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught?

Why do we call it a building
When it’s already been built?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital,
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down.
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out,
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race,
(Which of course isn’t a race at all).

That is why:
When the stars are out, they are visible,
But when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch,
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem,
It ends?

– Author Unknown

Isn’t the English language wonderful…

8 responses to “Some English humour

  • Steph

    we cook bacon and bake cookies


  • Steve

    There’s no egg in eggplant because it’s called an aubergine 😉

    The English language is indeed wonderful…when not bastardised by Americans!


  • Colin

    “Why does night fall. but day break?” -George Carlin RIP


  • admin

    Well you can’t place the blame all on Americans, English herself is a language who in the words of James D Nicoll is about as ladylike as tramp 😎

    The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a crib house whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
    –James D. Nicoll


  • Soviet Communist

    We will seize the power at the time of americans and englishmen losing faith in their language!

    Forward comrades!


  • admin

    viva la revolucion??



  • Major Tom

    The English language is the most impure at it’s beginning. Basic English is German in decent. Germans ruled England. Read up, dudes.


  • Cal

    Well now, most of the English language is of Germanic descent – yet it has words of Latin and French derrivation thanks to William the Conquerer, and Celtic words thanks to the Irish/Scots/Welsh/Manx – and even some words from far flung places like India, Africa and the Orient (even Australia, etc) and due to the Dane law we have words of Nordic decent!


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