The one in which i feel like a heel, whilst being angry, upset and miserable.

On Monday Paul went and adopted a 10 month old kitten, which we have named Opal, she’s very cute and if she belonged to anyone else I’d think she was a gorgeous pudding of a kitten. But, there’s always a but… I know why he did it, I understand his reasons, he knows I’m lonely and miserable and cry myself to sleep at night, every single night since Callista went away from me. But he didn’t ask me if I was ready for another cat on that day, the answer would have been a big loud NO.

I’m not, I’m no where near ready for another cat and I find myself not wanting to have anything to do with her, not that she seems to care for my company, she’s glommed onto Paul, but that’s neither here nor there. I wasn’t asked if I wanted another cat, she was presented as a done deal. There of course is no way I’m sending her back to the cat home, she’s already had a topsy turvy kitten hood, it’s not her fault Paul was absolutely tone deaf and insensitive to how I was feeling, I told him after Callista died that it would take me ages to be ready for another cat, but that when I was Callista would point one in the right direction at me.

He knew this and he just assumed he knew better.

And perhaps what is even worse is that he took MY choice of MY next kitty away from me. We can’t have more than three cats, Opal is cute, but she’s a tabby, not a grey tabby, but still a tabby. My next kitty was going to be a little soot sprite maybe, or a handsome all over grey gentleman like Sterling, with an interesting moustache, or perhaps a big white snowball. It was not going to be any flavour of tabby, mainly because I catch glimpses of Opal out the corner of my eye and I see tabby ear, or tabby tail and my heart soars and then breaks in two all over again. Multiple times a day. I can’t do that to myself.

So I’m angry and still lonely, but I feel guilty because I know Paul didn’t mean to hurt me this badly, but I can’t help myself. I want Callista back and if can’t have her, I’d really rather not have a replacement cat at all until I wanted one, and that’s been taken from me.

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